How Infertility changed things.

How Infertility has changed us,

I will never again be able to say 'When we have a baby'
it's usually 'if I get pregnant' or sometimes when I'm feeling optimistic in the ttc world I say I sure hope I will be pregnant soon myself, but deep down its always only 'if'
That's the way it's been for the past 6 years or so since I realised it probably won't just happen even though it did happen once but that was October 2006 which went horrifically wrong and nothing since then despite then both me and Dh weren't the fittest or healthiest then but
Ironically now we are both in peak condition living a super healthy lifestyle and fertility treatments and nothing.

I wake up everyday like this is a dream, then I remember its real and although I'm far from alone in infertility I've met so many who were or who are in my shoes,
It was simply a shock to the system to be 18,19,20 and just not get pregnant easily then finally get their at 21 to end only to in surgery and pregnancy loss.

And the renewed hopes of the years of 21,22 thinking it would happen, because it did before.
I had my first IUI at age 22 by age 23 I had 3 failed iui's.
I know age is just a number but in the fertility world it matters and it made me feel like such a failure as this is the time that your supposed to do it 'once' accidentally and your guaranteed to be knocked up.
I had to learn the hard way that is not true for everyone.


So what good has come of Infertility?

Well both Dh and I no longer smoke and haven't done so for years,
We don't drink, We both lost weight and have maintained the loss,
We exercise,
We have routines and we keep a very healthy lifestyle which is wonderful for us.

Relationship wise it has brought us closer and closer together he was there for me through all my doctors appointments and procedures.
Sometimes its really hard for him as I get emotional and cry alot.
But We always feel like its just Us against the world fighting together side by side because in our real life few understand and many don't even attempt to.
But it's not too bad all the time
We understand each and we can talk about anything we try to never repress any of our feelings, We disagree often but we always come to understand the other side.

I really hope people don't perceive this as a big pity party because it's not
Infertility has made me stronger,
made my marriage strong and has made us fighting fit.
I'm somewhat religious and I believe in a way that we are being tested in life.
I have a message for 'him'
I think we're ready already to move on to the next level please let the next great test in our lives be parenthood.