Just my thoughts for now

Right now my Life isn't bad.
I mean I'm very up and down but todays not a bad day so far.
We are day 6 into the heatwave eek 32 degrees today not fun.
Can't get the temperature in the house down much sometimes 23 degrees at night but mostly its 25/26 degrees
We had to go out at midday to go to the town not fun when driving but nice to get out in the daytime again.
I'm so over mosquito's the real life vampires they don't get in through the windows but they do get in through the door every time we go out, sucks.

I blame myself a lot for infertility,
mostly coz I'm stressed but now I'm stressing about being stressed (cause I recognize it as bad) so I can't escape it no matter how I try.
Waiting to see if I will start acupuncture can't really afford it, can't really afford any of this but its what we have to do.

Going to have more blood tests done next week thats another 300$
This time round is so much more expensive,more expensive ultrasounds,appointments,tests everything basicly.

I wonder does it ever happens that a couple have embryos to freeze but have to let them die because they cost to much to freeze.
I'm worried it could happen to us this time hoping it won't we might not even have anything to freeze.

I want things to be different this time.
I'm lonely over here.
I wish my family could visit, thats not gonna happen.
We don't really have many friends over here and the family we have over here told us last time they visited
'you shouldn't try now cause you don't have the means for a child' we have a house no mortgage and a car so screw you.
She said that last time we did iui last year too.
Thats so easy to say for the woman who has 3 kids already.

I also know that I won't physcially be myself til after christmas if this time doesn't work,
Coz I'm putting my body through a lot to go through two ivf cycles in 3 months.
I'm not myself now, so how am I gonna be this time during treatment I just don't know.