why does it hurt so much and the never ending wish to make everyone understand

I'm broken but I'm alive and I'm still here.
Like another girl who suffered infertility said 'I walked around those years like a zombie'
I go through life wishing it away for the pathetic hope that one day my dream will come true that the test will be positive and more so that one day I get to hold my baby in my arms, get to watch them grow,crawl,talk,walk
all the things that humans do.
I know that I am strong,
but I also know that I am more hardened,more bitter and more jealous than I've ever been in my life at the same time on the inside I'm tiny and fragile.

I believe in reasons,destiny and faith. I know that theres a reason this is lives path for me but I'm forever asking why and there is never any answer only silence.
Why did I fall into the 10% who have infertility?
why did I fall into the 1% of people who have ectopic pregnancies? and why did I fall into the 50% in my age group who don't get pregnant on there first ivf cycle?
Nobody knows nobody can answer this.
It took us 3 years to get pregnant with my ectopic.
In that time I had accepted myself as sterile and something came along and at the same time and smashed my heart with a sledgehammer and at the same time gave me this unbearable hope.
The tiny voice in my head that said and still says only quieter these days
'If you've done it once, you can do it again'

But 3 and a half years later,
one hsg,
5 iui's,
one more laparoscopy and 1 failed ivf
and I'm still here all I have is that tiny voice and I don't know whether to believe it anymore.
I don't know if I can give up.
The facts say I need to give this 4 cycles and then consider moving on.
So thats 3 more trys,
sounds like a lot of money and a hell of a lot of heartbreak not to mention a broken body physically.
But I know this is the road I will go,
because I am not capable of giving up no matter how much it hurts.

I just wish everyone could understand,
more so I wish no one was infertile only the bad people in this world.
but so far it seems to be the opposite most infertiles I have met are educated,intelligent and responsible people.
And I know 'fertile' parents can be great parents too but they'll never be as good as the infertiles because for them becoming parents was easy to achieve the hard part comes after.
For us the hard part is not one part it is EVERY part:
to get pregnant,to stay pregnant and to raise our children the best we can.
But we would be the best because we loved them and planned them for so long that if we can fight this battle.
we damn well would do the best for them when they finally come into this world.