One day away from 36weeks

I am huge really really huge. I've gained almost 50 pounds,3.5 stone or 22.5kg
And shallow as it is I'm sure that my stretch marked stomach will never be decent again without surgery ( But I still dream that it will deflate nicely after delivery.
Another thing it's so close now it's crazy any time in the next two week give or take these babies will be here. We have no clue when and no clue how (vaginal or c section due to the many limbo issues with this pregnancy.
I have had so many complications in the pregnancy which have led to 26 weeks of bedrest pretty much.
I worry about my babies especialy my little boy but also my girl
Anyways theres pages and pages I could right of all my fears,scares and potential problems but I don't want to.
I want to have some happy memories of this time.
Which are my babies moving from those first tickles at 17 weeks. To real kicks at 21 weeks my babies have come so far. Growing and changing. I love them so much. Both me and Dh do.
I love sharing these moments with Dh and I didn't have a normal pregnancy and it certainly wasn't easy. But there are some things about this pregnancy I wouldn't give up for anything.

lucky to be where I am today a message for those still waiting

Photo from almost 26wks
I'm now 28wks+1 and although it's been a very hard journey so far I'm incredibly blessed to have these two little ones inside me.
And I feel guilt Why me? It's not fair there are so many more women I know from Youtube/Facebook in particular who deserve it just as much and there still waiting.
I'm praying and hoping for them daily. All I can say is,
if it happened for us after 7 years one pregnancy loss,5 iui's and 2 ivf's it can and will happen for you I just can't promise you when Only He knows that.
But when it does happen your pain of all those years will be eased it does not go away but the bitterness fades and like me you will remember the others still waiting

update from whenever to here 19wks+3days

I never ever update anymore which is sad but I'm always either tired, in pain or stressed out or just plain distracted. I'm huge now I'd attach photo's but I haven't a cable to connect my camera to my laptop anymore.
There are lots of things stressing me now adjusting to the irish healthcare.
I pray that my babies grow strong andd stay in there in my womb until May.
If this pregnancy improves physically I will start updating again properly.